she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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