she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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