I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
