It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
