Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
