super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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