Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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