apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
