One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He felt like a one man threesome
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
