Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
