Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
