she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize