Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
