I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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