drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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