Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
