Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
