Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
