im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Four minutes until I can fart!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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