so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
