Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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