i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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