We won't sleep together?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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