Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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