and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
