Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
