He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
