where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
