I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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