I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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