Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
