I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
