It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
