just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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