Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
