Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize