I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize