Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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