hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
