In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The air was thick with penises
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
