I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize