I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
