this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
