Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
