Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize