i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
