I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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