I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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