Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
