last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
