so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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