i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
