I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
