My liver just broke up with me...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
