just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
