Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
