You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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