it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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