Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
