sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize