My room smells like vodka and shame
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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