oh god the rape fog is back!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
These tits shall not be calmed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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