i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize