Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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