I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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