There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
